I have wanted to tell you about me from the first day. I have wanted to share my true story with you. To open up my entire self, allowing you to read every page like you would your favorite book.
I have wanted to show you my mind. To show you how I really feel about me. On Boxing Day for instance, I spent some time thinking about me while my friends were busy unwrapping their Christmas gifts. My mum got me a nice pair of canvas shoes and I can’t wait to put them on the next time we meet. Mind sharing what you got?
I haven’t thought about me lately so when the thoughts started flowing, I couldn’t resist. I thought about my 2018 resolutions and hehe (am still laughing at myself). I was writing down every resolution I had made, six of them in total. The plan was to tick besides the ones I had achieved and to cross against the ones I had flopped. By the time I was done, I had crossed all the six resolutions I made after the happy New Year 2018. So I created a 2019 resolution list with only one item it. I have wanted to tell you about it since.
I have wanted to tell you how it feels to be let down by someone. How neither your head can think straight nor you heart concentrate on pumping blood. I have wanted to share with you how heartbroken I have been in the past and how scared to love I get at times. But there is this lady I promise to tell you about. I think I will marry her. I want to. I can feel it. I know how much I want to tell you her name and show you her pictures. But on second thoughts, you know what you bloggers do huh!
People say I am lucky to have her. I prefer to say I am blessed. Like my mother, I count her twice whenever I count my blessings. And she is not the only blessing I have. There are few people I have worked with on several projects and I am forever humbled by the chance to have met them. From campus to the office set up. From events to meetings. Random chats and community functions. From Kilimall through to Churchill, to Ecobank and to sum up with PROCMURA. I am forever humbled to have met you. Especially those we met along the streets and in roundabouts. Those we met in matatus and in supermarkets. Those in Church and some whom to date, we still plan our meetings online. I have wanted to tell you how you put a smile on my face.
Perhaps the time will come when I too will put a smile on yours. When that time comes, I will take you to Big Square and treat you to those delicious pork ribs you keep talking and thinking about. While there, I will tell you how my journey online started with random coffee meetings at Kilimanjaro Lavish. I will then tell you surprising stories about me. Stories you can never think or imagine. I will tell you how I have served as a matatu taut, how I once walked from Githurai 45 through Rwaka all the way to Limuru because I didn’t have fare. I will tell you how I once traveled under a Kenya Mpya seat from Kerugoya to Nairobi while in high school and many more surprising stories that have made me who I am today.
By the time am done, you’ll crave a drink. A strong drink… The good thing is, you don’t drink as much as my friend Kabui. (I know I haven’t told you about him yet) but don’t worry, we are just getting started. We have a whole year ahead and there is still much you don’t know about me yet.
Like how I have wanted to take you down the memory lane. Down to those little dark streets where I once called home. The streets where I once lost myself. While there, I will tell you how like you, I too have sinned against man and against God. I will tell you how I identify with some of your stories as well. We will talk about friends, bout drugs, about sex, about ideas and about business. We will discuss projects that failed and those that succeeded. Then we will return and together manifest the glory of our Gracious God. Him that we serve as much as we sin against. We will talk about His love and Mercy. For He continues to teach us to forgive like He forgives us.
Before Nelson Mandela left prison he said “As I stand before the door to my freedom, I realize that if I do not leave my pain, anger and bitterness behind me; I will still be in prison.”
Self-imprisonment is worse than that imposed. How many are in self-inflicted pains today for lack of forgiveness? How many of us have imprisoned ourselves inside the walls of anger and bitterness? Holding grudges does not make you strong, it makes you bitter. Forgiveness does not make you weak, it sets you free.
Throughout our engagement you will notice that I am one person who loves being free. I will forgive myself if some of the things I will tell you make you change your mind about me. There is a reason I have held myself closely knit together for a long time. I hope you will forgive me too because like I said up there, my 2019 resolutions had only one item on the list – to be happy.
Did I really have to use 893 words to say that when all I wanted to tell you was Happy New Year 2019? But how can I just cross over without leaving my anger and bitterness behind! It really feels good to be back. I hope you missed me too while I was away and since I will not be disappearing away anytime soon (hopefully), am certain we will have fun.
Now, come with me to 2019. Will you?