I used to think the nights before circumcision were the worst. Then I once saw my girlfriend turn and twist all over the floor the night before her periods. She told me it was cramps. I wanted to help but I just didn’t know how. I realized the nights before monthly visitors were the hardest. Both for her and for me. Somehow, I suffer when she does.
Early this year, I attended a cousin’s wedding. While it’s normal the bridegroom will have the last night out with the boys, what really happens with the bride? Does she dance her last night away? Does she tell stories with her girlfriends or drink or attend keshas? Or does she just sleep and invite fantasy dreams about life after “I do”. Is it true that some ladies sleep with their favorite x before settling down with their ideal man? (Asking for a friend).
Even with that however, nothing comes closer to the torment that befalls you the night before your birthday. That moment after you take to social media and post ‘birthday loading!’ only for a minor friend (one you rarely talk to) to slide into your DM and ask “Bash ni wapi?”
So it hits you that you haven’t actually planned for a party but because it’s your big day ahead, the only day you get to celebrate the fact that you are growing older, and because you need to respond to this friend, you type “ndio tunapanga.” (Wewe na nani? Anyway).
“Poa.” Your friend responds.
“Utakam?” You quickly ask
“Yeah. Utanishow mkidecide ni wapi.”
So the conversation ends with an okay and you start feeling relieved. You smile. You feel the urge to text your closest friends and invite them for the party. You almost want to call your cousins, uncles and aunts and ask “niaje M-pesa ya birthday?” But where do you start?
Sending that cash request text is the hardest thing to do. Right? Especially with this economy. Especially when it’s not for a business purpose. It’s like saying hello for the first time or saying goodbye for the last time. Do you know how many times people break up before they actually break up? They say love is like water. When it’s turbulent, it’s difficult to see. But when it’s calm, everything becomes clear. They also say your heart is like water. That it can be cold or warm towards others if you want to. That it can flood people’s minds and create sorrow or calm people’s lives and create joy.
When love is turbulent, it’s filled with challenges. It’s flooded with lack trust issues. It’s like a broke pocket on a birthday. When love it turbulent, it’s filled with arguments. It’s like bread without bb. When love is turbulent, it slowly becomes dry. To make it calm, you first have to make it wet. A frog can only take so much before completely losing it.
You want to slide on the floor like a kid? Make the floor wet. You want to curve some metal or plastic into some cool shape? Make it wet. You want to enjoy ugali, get some stew and make it wet. Literary, getting yourself wet is the first step in the journey to success. Whether you want to be book smart or street smart, be wet first. Make your heart calm. Soften your inner self. You don’t reach for the stars by leaving a trace of frowns behind you. Your heart is like water.
I was angry with my parents for insisting I had to go to school every morning. I was angry with my teachers when they told me I had to drop certain friends. I was angry with myself when I learnt that not listening to what my parents and my teachers told me left me in tears. Then I read John 1:5. “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
Your heart is like water. When challenges come, ask yourself if you have made it wet enough.