Are you there Jameson? It’s me, Cate

2

A dusty cold evening. Just like any evening at industrial area. I am headed home just like most people are.

It’s Friday evening and I feel like I’m gonna take some shots tonight. Maybe some vodka or Jameson. Maybe I’ll also find me a honey. You know, I don’t know what the night holds.

I quickly hop into the first matatu I see on stage. Everyone looks so tired and exhausted from inhaling chemicals and being ordered around by their Indian bosses all day. The bus conductor though, God I wish I was always as enthusiastic as he looks. It’s so stuffy in the bus as a result of being in Muthurwa all day carrying hoof eaters like me and everyone else in this bus. Good thing is that no one seems to be bothered.

I am already comfortable and I remember my boss asking me about my personal goals and aspirations today and my answer was to be a home owner and driving by 25.( It had to sound good fam…sigh!)

Right now Im trying to think about the fact that Im already 22 and I wish for myself like I wish for world peace: with pure intentions but not much faith…

A famous line from my Sunday School crosses my mind. ‘YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS YOU.

Christ. I hope He strengthens us to only do the positive things because lately..man,I have done a lot of things. Terrible things (not murder though but as you know, its said that theres no big or small sin. Sin is sin) without getting weary. I cant tell where all this energy has been coming from.

The vehicle starts moving and I reach into my handbag for like thirty seconds and am shook as hell. I can’t find my goddamn purse!! I quickly replay my activities and I remember placing it somewhere in the office and not picking it up.

I feel my heart in my stomach. How do I even tell this bus conductor?? Or should I ask a stranger to pay for me. How do I even..??

And now I realize there are a million situations to make an introvert speak out and explain themselves.

So Im seated next to middle aged man..and I have to talk to him about my situation. With all the conmen in the city..I doubt he will believe me..

“Sasa?” I say

“Poa sana mrembo!” he responds

“I see uko na jersey ya Kenya kwani hukuskia vile mabillioni zimenyakuliwa na hawa mapoliticians day in day out?” I ask with the bravery of a patriot.

“My dear,” he started explaining as if he had been waiting to speak to me from the first minute. “Mimi ni die hard patriot hata kuende aje. Few greedy individuals should not determine your patriotism!” he emphasised.

“Oh wow, I see!” I responded. Like someone who hadn’t understood what he meant.

“I am not happy with the state of this nation but if I get to think about out all the madness going on.. my mind will be disturbed for no reason”

“So whats there to be patriotic about?” I ask

“Look at the towns we have built with our own hands. Look at how marvellous Nairobi looks. Mombasa. Eldoret. Nakuru…!”

“Beauty is not food!”

“We have to attract investors and tourists to our country,” he starts to explain. He looked like those guys who love explaining things. The ones who enjoy explaining everything. The ones who assume you know nothing. “Eyes have to be satisfied first. Ata ukitaka boyfriend your eyes have to be satisfied by the way he looks before anything else!” He said.

“You know, kukula kwa macho!” I joke. We both laugh wearily.

“Plus all the coffee, tea, flour, cotton…”

“But wakulima wanaumia…” I interrupt.

“Thats true. The hearts of men have become empty!” he says. The conductor passes by to collect bus fare and my now new friend tells me.

“Wacha nikulipie!”

And you guys say miracles dont happen??

“Thanks a lot” I point out. Then he picks up from where he stoped with the explanation.

“Corruption is the cancer that will kill most African nations. I wonder what came first: the word corruption or the acts of it!”

*Silence.*

He hands me his business card and says “Please do call me we should have coffee sometime.”

“Sure, I respond with a smile.”

I am thinking about Jesus. If He was me and what He would do if He were in my shoes! What If He was attached to someone emotionally and then later on learnt that the person was married?. Let’s just stop there because Jesus’s father is omniscient. He would know.

I felt that I needed to urgently talk to God… like have a one on one conversation. I needed closure.

There is usually evening devotion at my church that I have never attended. Brethren call it Revival. Most of them testify how it’s life changing and I want that too.

At this moment I pray in my heart:

Dear God, I know its been long. But I really want us to talk. Let not my trespasses be the cause of my downfall. Lord, if I get some drinks tonight, Its just because I want to nap through the weekend. And if its not okay, please tell me during our conversation. Thank you for hearing me out.

It is a walking distance from where the bus drops me off. I bide my friend goodbye.

As I walk heading to church, I’m feeling ecstatic. I’m thinking about how I will thank Him for everything. Repent. Talk about my career. My Family. My personal Life, just to name a few. And my testimony to my Brethren about how I was delivered from captivity and how my eyes were open.

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